Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered, “Who am I now that nobody needs me to be who I've always been?”
I have.
I'm no longer needed as a soldier or a leader in the Army. My children are grown, and my grandchildren have their own lives. They may want me around, and I know there's a difference between being wanted and being needed, but they don't depend on me the way they once did.
My husband doesn't need me either. We've been separated for almost five years.
Am I saddened by some of these changes? A little. But not as much as you might think.
Because somewhere along the way, I found myself doing what I've always done.
Helping everybody else.
And that makes me wonder. Have I really figured out who I am, or have I just found a new way to be needed?
When my children were born, I thought I would always have someone to love and someone who would love me no matter what.
And I do believe they love me. But here's the thing about raising children. If we do our job, they grow up and learn how to live without depending on us for everything.
Funny how we spend years teaching our children to be independent, and then when they finally are, we're left wondering what we're supposed to do with ourselves. LOL!
When my children were little, I had responsibilities. I had to make sure they had what they needed. I was so busy taking care of them that I didn't spend much time thinking about what I needed or who I wanted to become.
I knew I wanted to be a better mom and a better person. But I wasn't really sure what that looked like.
Then there was the Army.
When I was in the military, I had a mission. Someone told me what needed to be done, when it needed to be done, and most of the time, how to do it.
I knew my responsibilities. I knew what was expected of me. I knew where I fit.
And then one day, I wasn't Staff Sergeant Patrick anymore.
I had already started working in real estate before leaving the military, so I thought I had my next chapter figured out.
Well, wasn't that a surprise! LOL!
As a realtor, I had a broker, but for the most part, I was responsible for running my own business. Nobody was standing there telling me exactly what to do every morning.
After years of military structure, I was suddenly responsible for creating my own direction.
Later, I pursued interior design. And once again, I found myself in a career where I was responsible for deciding what came next.
The funny thing is, I genuinely believed both careers were what I was called to do.
They weren't.
But looking back, I can see something I didn't understand at the time.
I kept looking for a career to tell me who I was, just like I had spent years allowing my responsibilities to define me.
I knew how to be a mother. I knew how to be a soldier. I knew how to work hard, follow directions, solve problems, and take care of other people.
What I didn't know was how to answer one simple question.
Who was I when I wasn't doing any of those things?
Finding Joy in Just Being Me
People laugh at me now because I honestly love spending time with my dogs.
They make me happy. It's that simple.
I don't need some grand adventure or an expensive vacation. Sometimes all I need is a dog belly to rub and a little peace and quiet.
Of course, whether the dogs are willing to give me that peace and quiet is another story! LOL!
And then there are my grandchildren.
Oh, how I love spending time with them!
I love watching them cheer, play volleyball, or participate in whatever sport they're involved in. I love hearing them laugh. I love chasing them around and playing tag, even though I seem to be IT more often than not!
I'm beginning to think they've figured out how to keep Grandma running! LOL!
I love taking them out to eat, asking about school, and listening to whatever is happening in their lives.
But here's something I've come to understand.
I don't have to be needed by my grandchildren to enjoy being part of their lives.
I can simply love them, enjoy them, and appreciate the moments we share.
And I've learned to do something else.
I've learned to enjoy just being who I am.
The Moment I Started Seeing Myself Differently
I've shared before about a turning point in my life when I was sitting in church and heard the song “Nobody” by Casting Crowns.
That song spoke to me in a way I wasn't expecting.
It reminded me that I didn't have to be somebody important in the eyes of the world to have a purpose.
I didn't have to have a particular title, career, or position.
I didn't have to be Staff Sergeant Patrick, a realtor, an interior designer, or even somebody else's idea of who I should be.
I could simply be me.
And maybe, just maybe, God had something for me to do that didn't require me to become somebody else first.
That's when I began looking at my life differently.
I started understanding that my purpose wasn't necessarily tied to a job title or to how many people depended on me.
It was tied to who I was becoming and what I could do with the life I'd been given.
So, Who Am I Today?
Well, I'm still a busy person. LOL!
I don't particularly like sitting still. I love learning new things, taking courses, discovering new ideas, and finding ways to grow.
I'm still someone who enjoys helping others. That part of me hasn't disappeared, and I don't want it to.
But there's a difference now.
I don't want my entire identity to depend on whether somebody needs something from me.
I want to help because I choose to help.
I want to learn because I enjoy learning.
I want to spend time with my grandchildren because they bring joy into my life.
And I want to enjoy the simple things, even if that means sitting on the floor rubbing a dog's belly!
I don't have to be everything to everybody.
I just have to be willing to keep discovering who I am.
Who Do I Finally Have Permission to Become?
Maybe you're at a place in your life where the roles you've always played are changing.
Maybe your children have grown up. Maybe your marriage has ended. Maybe you've retired, left the military, changed careers, or simply reached a point where you're wondering what's next.
You might even be asking yourself the same question I asked.
Who am I when nobody needs me to be who I've always been?
Here's something I hope you'll consider.
Your value didn't disappear when your responsibilities changed.
You still matter.
You still have gifts, talents, dreams, and possibilities.
And you still have a purpose, even if you're not entirely sure what it looks like right now.
Sometimes we spend so many years being who everyone else needs us to be that we forget we have choices of our own.
But life changes. We change. And sometimes those changes give us an opportunity to discover parts of ourselves we've never taken the time to know.
That's what PIVOTing is all about.
It's not necessarily about becoming a completely different person. Sometimes it's about finally giving yourself permission to become the person you've been growing into all along.
So, here's my question for you this week.
If you no longer had to be who everyone else expected you to be, who would you choose to become?
And while you're thinking about that, I'll probably be out with one of my grandchildren, rubbing a dog's belly, or sitting at my computer taking another course.
Because apparently, I still haven't figured out how to sit still! LOL!
Rising isn't optional—it's who we are. 🔥❤️