What If You Don’t Know What You Want?

You know, when I left the Army, I thought I knew what I wanted.

I started out being a realtor. Then I moved back to Kansas, and I thought, Man, I am going to make it as a realtor in Kansas.

Guess what?

I didn’t.

So interior design was my next choice. I had gone to school for it, and I thought maybe that was where I was supposed to go next.

I didn’t even really give it a chance.

Instead, somewhere along the way, I started life coaching, speaking, and writing books.

Now, if you look at that list, it might seem like I didn’t know what in the world I wanted to do with my life.

Maybe I didn’t.

Have you ever done that?

Have you ever thought you knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life, only to get there and realize, Nope. This isn't it either?

Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to figure it all out.

We think we're supposed to choose a direction and stick with it forever. And if we change our minds, somehow we've failed.

But what if changing your mind isn't failure?

What if you're learning?

What if you're growing?

What if the person who made that original decision isn't the same person you are today?

 

 

You Are Allowed to PIVOT

It doesn't matter how old you are. You can pivot.

Now, I'm not going to tell you pivoting is always easy. Sometimes pivoting is scary as heck.

Sometimes you know what you're doing isn't working anymore, but at least it's familiar. And familiar can feel a whole lot safer than standing there saying, Okay, God...now what?

I know that feeling.

When I left the Army, I was around 50 years old. I was starting a completely different chapter of my life after spending 17 years in the military.

I thought real estate was going to be that chapter.

It wasn't.

Then I thought maybe interior design was the answer.

It wasn't.

Or maybe I should say it wasn't the final answer.

Because when I look back now, I don't think those experiences were wasted.

Every part taught me something.

Every direction showed me a little more about myself.

And every time something didn't work the way I thought it would, I had another opportunity to ask myself:

What do I want now?

That's a different question than, What am I supposed to be doing?

And it's definitely different from, What does everybody else think I should be doing?

What If You Really Don't Know?

Here's something I've learned:

You don't always have to know.

I spent a lot of years thinking I needed the whole plan.

I wanted to know where I was going, what I was supposed to be doing, and preferably how everything was going to turn out when I got there.

Wouldn't that be nice? 😂

Life doesn't usually work that way.

Sometimes you only know that where you are isn't where you want to stay.

That's enough to begin.

You don't have to have the next ten years mapped out.

You might just need to take the next step.

That's one of the reasons PIVOT became so important to me.

Purpose. Intention. Vision. Opportunity. Transformation.

Purpose doesn't mean having every answer.

Sometimes finding your purpose begins with being willing to ask yourself some uncomfortable questions.

What matters to me now?

What do I enjoy?

What am I doing because I actually want to do it?

What am I doing because I've always done it?

And what am I holding onto simply because I'm afraid to admit that I want something different?

Whew.

That last one might sting a little.

You're Allowed to Want Something Different

Maybe that's the message somebody needs today.

You are allowed to want something different.

Even if you're 50.

Even if you're 60.

Even if you're 70.

Even if you've already spent years building the life you have.

Changing direction doesn't erase everything that came before it.

I was a soldier.

I was a realtor.

I studied interior design.

Today, I'm a coach, speaker, and author.

None of those versions of me were wasted.

They all came with me.

And I'm still figuring things out.

That's the part we don't always say out loud.

I can help other people PIVOT and still have moments when I have to ask myself, Tamara, what do YOU want now?

Maybe that's what transformation really looks like.

Not arriving at some magical point where you never question yourself again.

But trusting yourself enough to recognize when it's time to change direction.

So if you're sitting there right now thinking, I don't know what I want anymore, don't panic.

Maybe you aren't lost.

Maybe you're standing at a PIVOT point.

And instead of demanding that you have the whole answer today, start with one question:

If nobody else got a vote, what would you want the next chapter of your life to look like?

You don't have to know exactly how you're going to get there yet.

For now, just give yourself permission to answer the question.

Because sometimes the first step toward becoming who you're meant to be is admitting that you don't want to stay where you are.

And then...

PIVOT.