Have you ever noticed how often people say they're trying to "find themselves?"
I hear it all the time.
"I'm trying to find myself after my divorce."
"I'm trying to find myself after retirement."
"I'm trying to find myself now that the kids are grown."
"I'm trying to find myself after leaving the military."
For years, I thought that made perfect sense.
Then one day, I started wondering something.
What if you're not actually lost?
What if the real problem isn't that you can't find yourself?
What if you've simply lost sight of who you've always been?
Think about it.
Life has a way of piling things on top of us.
Responsibilities.
Heartbreak.
Expectations.
Jobs.
Titles.
Roles.
Trauma.
Disappointment.
Before long, we're carrying so much stuff that we can barely see ourselves underneath it all.
Some people know me as a coach.
Others know me as an Army veteran.
Some know me as an author.
Some know me as a speaker.
I've also been a wife, a mother, a realtor, a student, a volunteer, and about a hundred other things throughout my life.
Those roles matter.
But they aren't who I am.
They're simply things I've done.
Sometimes we become so attached to our roles that when one of them disappears, we think we've lost ourselves.
A soldier leaves the military.
A parent becomes an empty nester.
Someone retires after decades at the same job.
A marriage ends.
A dream changes.
Suddenly the question becomes:
"Who am I now?"
I've asked that question myself more than once.
But here's what I've learned.
You don't lose your identity when your circumstances change.
You lose your visibility.
The person you were created to be is still there.
Still breathing.
Still capable.
Still valuable.
Still carrying purpose.
The challenge isn't finding yourself.
The challenge is removing everything that has been covering you up.
The fear.
The doubt.
The labels.
The mistakes.
The opinions of other people.
The belief that your best days are behind you.
Sometimes we spend years searching for something that was never missing.
We don't need to become someone else.
We need to reconnect with who God created us to be.
That's a very different journey.
One is a search.
The other is a rediscovery.
And rediscovery feels a lot less exhausting.
Because it means you're not starting from scratch.
You're coming home to yourself.
Maybe that's why some of the biggest breakthroughs in life don't happen when we learn something new.
Maybe they happen when we remember something we've forgotten.
Our strength.
Our worth.
Our faith.
Our purpose.
Our voice.
Maybe you don't need to find yourself after all.
Maybe you just need to remember who you are.
Reflection Question
What part of yourself have you been neglecting, hiding, or forgetting during this season of your life?
Call to Action
This week, spend a few minutes reconnecting with the person underneath all the titles and responsibilities.
The one God created before the world started telling you who you should be.
You may discover that the person you've been searching for has been there all along.
❤️
Tamara Lea Patrick
Pivot Life Coaching 4 Restarting You